


On the tip of your fingers

by Eniarol



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Friends to Lovers, Love Bites, M/M, quick burn lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-10 00:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15279705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eniarol/pseuds/Eniarol
Summary: Steve Roger was blond. Not ash blond, light auburn or platinum blond. No, the blond that went unnoticed. He had a peaky complexion. He was more or less extremely skinny and bony. His face was really emaciated. The only thing that stood out were his eyes. Blue. Not a fancy blue or anything but they seemed so colorful next to the rest of his body. He was systematically wearing beige, brown, off-white clothes. He seemed so dull, all year. He was about to be fifteen but looked thirteen. The doctor told him “Young man, you’ll be two years late in your growth.” He heard “Kid, you’ll look like a child your whole life.” It had annoyed him.





	On the tip of your fingers

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Sur la pointe des doigts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13247199) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 



> At first, I wrote it in french, but as I was very proud of it when I wrote it, I decided to translate it, so more people could read it and give me their opinion. If you feel like you have already read it, it might be true, as I wrote it three years ago before deleting it really quickly when a memeber of my family found my account. I hope you like it. Needless to say, they are very OOC. Don't be shy, tell me if I made mistakes. Enjoy !

Steve’s best friend was Bucky Barnes. He, on the other hand, was fifteen socially and physically. He was tall, well-built and even started to develop -not only- facial hair. In short, he was rather ordinary, but next to Steve, with who he hung out _all the time_ , he appeared really handsome and badass. Bucky came from a fairly well off family despite his several siblings -he always thought it was because his mom was an only child. They were all living in a big house thanks to his father’s investments and to their mother psychologist’s cabinet whose access was formally forbidden to all Barnes.

Living in all this luxury while being _Stevie_ ’s best friend had led Bucky to always take his shoes off when he came in the humble Rogers’ flat. He felt like everything was breakable, which was stupid, really, because when his mom’s friend, Sarah, bought something, it was for it to last. Her son and herself were having difficulty to eke out a living with her only nurse wages -she forbade Steve to work until he was obliged to because as she said, she had had  a child “to love him, not to earn money for Christ’s sake.” To come back to Bucky, He never walked with heavy steps and never jump on his friend’s bed or sofa. It wasn’t that he wasn’t at ease, but because he felt like everything was like Steve and was, therefore, fragile.

* * *

Sarah opened the door, sighting in exhaustion. It was around 7am and she was finally coming home from her night shift. She took her shoes off and put them under the coat-hanger. While stretching her toes and cracking her back vertebrae by vertebrae, she headed toward the kitchen softly, aware of the fact that she could shred her stocking on the scratched and gouged and splintered floor. She poured herself a glass of water and moved towards the room of her only child. A laugh was heard and she knocked on the ajar door to make herself noticeable.

“Hi honey” she hugged her son “Hello James” she said while kissing the forehead of the other teenager who responded by a smile.

“Hi, how was work ?” he asked. 

“Exhausting, for that matter I am going to bed, don’t make to much noise,” she almost whispered while going towards her room, leaving his door ajar. 

Steve stood up slowly and closed the door. Looking at Bucky with eyes even bigger than what they already seemed to be, he said, his voice low “We are so lucky she’s this tired.”

“We are !” his friend started to laugh. He brought the joint from behind his back and made the curtain move to create a draft.

“I wanna take a drag” begged the blond, drawing out the last word. 

“Wait, we’ll do it together” ordered the other.

Bucky didn’t even make the effort to explain himself and put his hands in a circle-shaped way around the thin line that was his friends’ mouth. He took a drag. “Breath in” and he blew out smoke. And Steve choked on it. He coughed for what felt like an hour but was actually three minutes and then looked at his friend with watery eyes.

“You’re an idiot, you could have warned me.”

“Usually it’s from mouth to mouth,” affirmed James “Well that’s what I saw.”

“Then why did you do it like that ?” Muttered the blond. Steve had said that without second thoughts. He laid on his back on the carpet and closed his eyes . His head was spinning. He felt Bucky lay on his stomach and his hip touching his own. He heard him take a drag.  
“Inhale” he whispered. Though reluctant, the blond breathed in. He felt James’ lips only a few millimeters from his, only separated by the smoke.  
  
A simple touch, having to make disappear this toxic cloud as an excuse. Steve half-opened his eyes and noticed that his friend was doing the same. Without really knowing why, he started staring into James’ eyes. The latter was moving his mouth slowly, imperceptibly, et probably unconsciously, towards Steve’s. After an endless wait, they touched. It was sweet. Overly sweet. However, Bucky couldn’t stop nipping at Steve’s bottom lip, who started to feel really hot. And, above all, he didn’t know what to do with his hands. While James’ were on his cheeks, his were in the air. A giggle escaped from Bucky.  
  
So Steve put his hands, delicately, at the back of his friends neck. “ _Stevie_.” When he heard the nickname, the one that only Bucky used, he felt dizzy (maybe the joint had something to do with it, who knows). The touch might have triggered something because James pulled away from the kiss and looked at his friend in the eyes. He straighten up completely, and, for a brief moment, Steve thought that everything would be over.  
  
He thought about school, parties and afternoons spent together and how he will miss it. He thought about his mum, who’d asked him what is happening and why she doesn’t see Bucky around anymore. He thought as well about how much of an idiot he must look like with his hands still in the air and his toes hunched in his socks-

“Fuck _Stevie.”_ swore the older while he spread Steve’s legs apart and placed himself in between. _Stevie_  became crab red, but let him proceed, panting. He noticed that his friend had a nice shade of crimson going on his cheeks. Bucky literally dived on the blond’s mouth, rolling his pelvis upward in a really exciting way. The blond couldn’t control the sound that came out of his mouth when he felt the touch.

Bucky’s elbows were on each side of Steve’s face whose hands were grasping at Bucky’s waist and neck. They were slowly creeping under his shirt, tracing circle on the tan skin. James drifted and nipped at Steve’s collarbone. The blond couldn’t hold his hips back anymore. He sank his nails softly in Bucky’s tan skin. The brun bit eagerly Steve’s jaw, sinking his teeth in the pale skin and the blond moaned, lost between pain and pleasure, burying his fingers deeply in Bucky’s flesh.  
  
“Ouch !” screamed-whispered James, straightening up, “It fucking hurts !”  He lifted his shirt to see the wound and saw three quite deep scratches, “You could have held back !” he pointed out to Steve.  
  
The latter had stood up and was now in front of a mirror. Further to Bucky’s criticism, he dropped, while looking at Bucky through the mirror “Hold back ? Look what you did to me, idiot !” Bucky raised his head up from his scratches and observed his friend.  
  
Half a dozen hickeys were overlapping to form only one big right under his jaw. He lowered his gaze a little to find large teeth marks, above his collarbone. Steve’s dumbfounded face said so much things that he’d rather not linger on it. He also saw, from the corner of his eyes, a bulge in the other’s pants and felt a little bit less alone. The blond lent a helping hand to the older, who took it and stood up. when he arrived in front of the mirror, Bucky saw four superficial scratches on his own neck. Steve whispered a sweet _sorry_ when he saw his work.

  
After a long silence, the first thing the black-headed man said was “It’ll be just fine for me, but we are going to have a hard time finding foundation for you, _Stevie._ ”

* * *

 

Stopped in an alleyway, Bucky was tidying Steve’s scarf up in order to hide his hickey.

“But let me go, people won’t care” groaned the blond, putting his clothes back where they were.

“ Yes they will” impersonated James, to which his friend replied _blahblahblah_ , “What are you going to tell them if they see it ?” Asked Bucky, somehow really curious.  
  
“What do you think?”  
  
“You can’t tell ‘em that, _Stevie.”_  said the black-headed.  
  
“Oh yeah ? And what do I tell ‘em ?” squealed Steve, “That I made out with a goat ?”  
  
Bucky sighed, then opened his mouth, then sighed again. When he finally made up his mind about what he was about to say, the blond cut him off, making him sigh one more time “Why don’t you hide yours, then ?”  
  
“We already talk about this, Stevie” he whispered, defeated.

“Stop this patronizing tone with me ! You talk to me like I’m stupid !” He ended up screaming.  
  
“You know I don’t, _Stevie.”_  
  
“Maybe I want people to think I have a sexual life !” He reddened up at the use of this word he just yelled. “Maybe I want to look like people my age do” he added more for himself than for anyone.  
  
“ _Stevie,_ you-”  
  
“Oh, stop it already !” whistled the younger, a tiny bit angered by all this.  
  
“Steve,” corrected Bucky, “you look mature.” He completed, the blond ignored what he said. He had heard it so much coming from his mother, “And no one has a sexual life at sixteen.” _You, you have one_ thought Steve. He stayed quiet while the older put his clothes back in place. He did his hair again and took the smaller’s chin between his fingers, diving into his eyes, “What is it?” Steve didn’t answer. “Are you still sulking ?” he forced.

“Are we going to talk about it?” mumbled the younger.

“I don’t know, _Stevie_. What can we say about it ?” Said Bucky all at once “I wanna spare us from balming the pot or each other for what we did.”

  
“I clearly wanted it. As much as you did” replied Steve “That’s all there is to be said” he added, disheartened.

“Stevie, you can’t say stuff like that,” he put his thumb on Steve’s bottom lip, “we’re sixteen, it is normal for this sort of things to… Titillate us.”  
  
“Now, you are blaming the outer elements”  noticed the blond, his chin trembling.  
  
“Oh, _Stevie_ -” started Bucky, stroking Steve’s bottom lip.  
  
“Please stop !” He turned his head. He was now crying. “I haven’t invented it all, okay ? I’ve seen it !”

“Seen what ?” asked the black-headed, trying to remembering what was Steve talking about.

“Your-” he sort of censored himself, realizing they were in the street, and got closer to his friend, whispering, he said, “The bulge in your jeans!”  the blond moved away, red from the shame, needing air. “I know that I don’t know much about this kind of things, okay ? But I am aware of the fucking basics !” Bucky was a bit taken aback, for when Steve swore or even started to think about swearing, it meant he was being worked up. He got closer to the younger.

Nevertheless, the black-haired couldn’’t resist, “It is cute that you’re getting so worked up talking about that” he mocked gently. Steve gave him an incredulous look and seemed to go from nervous to angry. He caught the other man by the collar of his shirt and said, gritting his teeth “ Cute? That’s what comes to your mind when you see me cry ? What kind of kink is that ?” and then literally threw his friend on the mailbox near them.  
  
“It’s not- argh… I don’t wanna lose you, Steve.” finally confessed James, rubbing his tailbone. The blond softened and put his hand on his friend’s cheek.

“Me neither, I’ve known you for too long” he chuckled between sobs. He let himself get lost in his friend’s eyes for a moment. Bucky did the same, wrapping his fingers around the shoulder strap of Steve’s backpack. The older put his other arms around his friends upper back and dragged him in a hug. It hit him like a train that they weren’t acting friends anymore.

* * *

 

Steve was walking down the hallways towards his locker, which was next to his friend’s own. He greeted Bucky, who was waiting for him. They shared what happened on their day. The blond dropped his stuff off and remembered the girl who sat next to him on _her own free will_. They talked during the whole class and Janet -it was her name- had even written her number on the corner of his notebook. She had given him back his pencil, with red lipstick at the tip. He was going to tell his friend about this peculiar event when a group of boys came to greet him. The one who was probably the leader, a tall redhead with freckles all over his body, shook Bucky’s hand in a way Steve could never reproduce later.

“Buck ! What’s up pal ?” he asked. Steve had always thought that the redhead was good-looking but the moment he opened his mouth, he became insufferable.

“Nothing much. I’ll see you after class ? I’m really starving right now” added the black-haired with a laugh. Steve didn’t like how James talked when he was with the redhead either.  
  
“No problemo” said the leader, raising his hand, as if he was going to greet someone, but not really. Bucky turned around to go towards the refectory, exposing despite him his neck to the group.  
  
“Wow Buck ! What is that ?” Bawled the redhead. James instinctively brought his hand up to his neck.His eyes widened, at first for himself, then for Steve, almost like he was afraid. He was thinking to fast, and couldn’t grab an idea. He needed time.

“What do you think ?” he faltered. _He couldn’t hurt Steve, he couldn’t hurt Steve. He mustn’t hurt Steve._ But he wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready at all. He was stuck because of himself and started to sweat. Why did he feel this way ?  
  
“I think you had a great fucking night ! Who did you fuck ?” He bawled. Steve gagged. He couldn’t tell if it was because of how crude the redhead was or because of his apprehension of Bucky’s answer. He took a shot.  
  
“Ah ah, it’s none of your business, Cam” he slipped away discreetly despite the redhead drawing attention to him by hollering. He caught Steve’s wrist who was paler than usual. None of them really knew why they had been so scared.

* * *

 

Sat on the floor with Steve, James and he were revizing. The youngest was tearing his hair out on his biology lessons. He couldn’t retain them and James couldn’t explain them well. Plus, the blond couldn’t keep his eyes off of Bucky’s nose, which was so straight and proportional to his face. His was way to big for his own face.

“So, flowers are, like… Producing light ?” risked the blong.  
  
“Stevie, for the thirtieth time, they are-” ihe was cut off by a scream.  
  
“Barnes !” roared what the brown-haired recognized as Cameron “You fuckin’ my girl ?” he _bellowed_ and Bucky knew he was in deep shit.

His brain made all the connections ; he had fourscratches on his neck ; he didn’t want to share his experience with Cameron ; Sophia often cheated on him ; she always had extremely long nails. _Oh fuck_.  
  
“I’m gonna fuck you up !” bawled the redhead, throwing his foot in the middle of James’s torso.  
  
Indeed, Bucky got fucked up.

* * *

 

“What an idiot” grumbled Bucky, “And I am talking about you. Did you really feel like you had to get involved ?”he asked, finishing  wiping the blood leaking out of Steve’s nose.  
  
The blond whined at the contact.He took a punch for Bucky. Right on the bridge of his nose, which knocked him out completely. Following that, Cameron ceased to be angry almost instantly and tried to apologize to Steve.

“I didn’t want you to get hurt” mumbled the younger “Ow ow ow ow ow ow !” He carried on when James touched his nose “Don’t touch don’t touch ! Do not touch !” he shook his head.  
  
He sneezed and blew blood out of his nose. Half a dozen of bloody droplet ended on his carpet.  
“Hey ! Stop moving for the love of God !” the dark-haired boy kept him still and shoved two tissues in his nose “It really wasn’t smart, Stevie. You probably got your nose broken” retorted Bucky.  
  
“How’s your rib ?” Risked the blond, now speaking through his nose, and ignoring magnificently the older’s worry.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
Bucky cut the conversation short and put the first aid kit away. He caught Steve’s wrist and led him to his room. The two boys sat down on the only bed there, pushing away the music sheets. He played piano to clear his head but also to stand out from his siblings. What Steve liked the most  about that, was that he often turned his lessons into songs which was a great help for him to remember.. That and the fact that only Steve and the Barnes knew about his hidden gift. He was trying to sight-read what his friend wrote but, having never learnt music theory, he couldn’t. “Will you teach me music theory on day ?” suggested Steve.  
  
“We’ll see” eluded the dark-haired boy, looking for something at the back of his dresser, under his socks, seemingly. The younger came closer to see what the other was doing.  
  
“Looking for my weed” he explained. Steve came even closer, tacitly suggesting his help. Having now found his little bag, he turned around quickly, ending face to face with Steve. Well nose to forehead. He kissed the top of the aforementioned forehead. The blond rose his head and licked under the chin of the other while he giggled. James let go his little bag and put softly his hands on the other’s hips, now looking straight into Steve’s eyes. He slowly moved his fingers, barely brushing the t-shirt of his friend and the room was filled with clear laughters. He loved how the blond’s laugh was clear. His was hoarse and a little bit creepy.  
  
He kept torturing the young man, pushing him on the bed. He was still careful -he was always careful with Steve- given his nose state. One laughs hit him too hard and he had to get on side to cough. This way, he exposed his bruised neck to Bucky, who, when he saw it, released a hoarse moan he didn’t even know he was keeping. The blond turned a deep vermilion and opened big wide eyes, as he didn’t know what to do or even think of what just happened.

The older one stood up and got out of the room before coming back with some cleanser. “I need to get the blood off of my carpet,” he claimed.

Steve straightened up and sat cross-legged. And as he watched Bucky scrubbing the floor in vain. He felt despite him anger rise up inside of him. He tried to rationalize, which led to him frantically moving his head back and forth as if he was possessed, weighing up the pros and cons and fighting off unnecessary thoughts. He shook his head one last time, swiftly, and squeaked “Are you going to be like that about it every time ? Avoid me like the plague everytime your instincts resurface ?”

The dark-haired man didn’t bother answering and tried “My instincts ? Really ?”

“Is this a joke to you ? Because not to me. You may have other people, but I only have you.”  
  
It felt like a huge blast of wind to Bucky, he even got a wave of cold sweats and shivers. Realizing that despite the smirk he was wearing, Steve wouldn’t give in, he retorted “What instincts are you talking about ?”

“Ah ! You are so infuriating !” Steve burst out.

This time, he stood up. He tried not to trip over something as to avoid for his credibility to crash down as well. His feet slid in his shoes and before he even knew about it, he was in the hall, his hang on the handle of the door. He pushed the handle terribly slowly, lowkey hoping that James would come to him to apologize and that together they’ll find a solution to everything that was happening to them.

As for James, he was rooted to the staircase. He watched Steve with empty eyes, feeling like everything was in slow motion. He took his time to go down the stairs, looking at the blond’s shoulders trembling. Before the latter opened the door, Bucky took him in his arms and pet his hair. Steve’s tears and snot were sticking to his shirt. He fought half-heartedly. He felt like he was stumbling on his feelings and on his ego. He looked up to James, rubbed his eyes and whined “I believe we need to stop seeing each other.”

“But- You just said the opposite !” Screamed James.

Between he tears-filled eyes, Steve said “see you later, Bucky”

He peeled away from his best friend, opened the door and got out, pushed by the cold wind of november.

* * *

 

The wait was so long. Steve’s life was even sadder than it was before. He ate less and less and, most of all, was bored, which led to a series of existential crisis. His mother didn’t know what to do and was too exhausted by her work to take care of it. She was restrain the food so they could go out together, to take his mind off things. She guessed that it had to do with Bucky, since it’s been three months since she last saw him. Steve spent his day outside, walking for hours. Sarah was so worried.

Christmas was the worst. They were used to being invited at the Barnes’s. For the occasion, they both wore something they for which they saved up the whole year. They bought the dessert and asked for no gifts. Despite that, every year, one of the Barnes found something to offer to Sarah. And every year, James gave something to Steve, in the privacy of Steve’s room, under the softened light of his bedside lamp.When he was thirteen, he got a notebook. Since then, Steve offered him a portrait every year. All of them were pinned up at the back of his closet. He missed the blond so much that he felt physical pain when he saw them. To cope with both sadness and boredom, he did sports. He asked his parents to sign him up for after-school activities everyday except for sunday, where he couldn’t.

He did so that his day were filled up from sunup to sundown. When he woke up, he had a shower very quick, reciting his lessons out loud, so he wouldn’t think about Steve ; when he had breakfast, he reread his lessons, so he wouldn’t think about Steve ; while going to school, he went through his flashcards, so he wouldn’t think about Steve ; during lunch, he revised, so he wouldn’t think about Steve ; after school, he did sports, so he wouldn’t think about Steve ; when he got home, he did his homework until dawn, so he wouldn’t think about Steve. He let his sadness overflow him only on sundays, when he played piano. There, he let his emotions get the upper hand, his memories overwhelm him and his regrets eating him up.

The hardest was that they were on the same class. They saw each others all the time and were put together on projects all the time. In that case, They only spoke when necessary and James went crying at the end of the course.

On the fourth month, pain was replaced by numbness and they weren’t paying attention to each other anymore. Steve still couldn’t find sleep and Bucky songs grew sadder and sadder.

* * *

 

When april arrived, their class had to start swimming lessons. Steve couldn’t really swim.

Their class was separated in three groups : ‘those who had more to learn’ ; ‘good enough’ and ‘great swimmers’. Steve was in the first one, obviously. James ended up in the second one where he would be taught the breaststroke. He barely had time to do one length that he was moved to the third group, in which they were three people, which had the privilege to swim in the olympic pool.

Steve, on the other hand, couldn’t float.

The only teacher for the first group, was overwhelmed and yelled “Henry ! I need help here !”

“I am busy !” he screamed back. He got a heinous glare and said, falsely nice “If I send you a kid, is it okay ?”

“Just hurry !”

Henry talked to his elitist group of great swimmers , and ended up asking one of them to go help the one who ‘had more to learn’. This is when Steve turned around and saw James walking towards his pool. At first, he watched him like everyone else : with admiration. Indeed, James gained muscle mass, and most of all was the first one to have a line of hairs going from his navel to hide in his boxers. This is when he saw it, the scar on his hip. Three white marks well definite. When he saw them, Steve felt like a huge blast of freezing wing peeled his skin off of his bones.

“Go help Steve, he is a disaster” asked the teacher.

The blond was hurt by the remark, but knew what it meant. Bucky got in the water in an oddly cat-like manner. He got next to the younger and said, confident “Get on your back.”

Apparently, this is all Steve needed to burst. Literally. He starts by laughing, sweetly, like a giggle mixed to a moan. Then, slowly, he started crying, still in an impressive state of calmness. He felt alone, the rest of the people here hadn’t even noticed his little breakdown. Only James looked at him. He planted his irises in the other’s and saw that he was in the same state of mind. So, he opened his arms, and, as an implicit invitation, he smiled. The older surrounded Steve with his arms and squeezed. Hard. Steve let his hands slid around his friend’s hips and smiled for real, burying his face in James’s collarbones.

He got off of Bucky and asked “I don’t feel good. Can I go to the bathroom ?”

She responded something about not creating a disaster and let him go. James went with him. They barely passed the wall separating them from the pools that the blond locked himself in a shower with the dark-haired boy. The latter looked at him, a question mark almost painted on his face and verified “Are you okay ?”

“I missed you so much” answered way too quickly the other one. He moved towards his friend and rose his chin. The chests were stuck together. He watched his friend in the eyes, with his half lidded and his mouth barely open. James leaned down a little, so his lower lip was between his friend’s ones. Hi breathed in, hard, as if he tried to contain something inside him or give himself courge. He finally slowly put his lips on Steve’s.

The last one frowned and pushed the dark-haired boy on the opposite wall, pressing their naked torsos together. They were both on fire. They both tried to dominate the other. Bucky caught Steve’s thighs and levelled him so their hips were pressed together as well. The blond squeezed James between his thighs and moaned. He whispered things to James ears that he wasn’t even sure were real. The blond slid one of his hands in his friend’s hair while the other played softly with his necklace. Steve plucked up the courage to kiss the bridge of Bucky’s nose and does it. The dark-haired boy licked his jaw and fiercely kissed his neck

“Don’t leave marks” panted the blond.

To that James answered by sucking harder on the younger’s skin “Don’t leave marks” he repeated, however, he added “ _Not this time._ ”

This time, James groaned and bit angrily his friend’s shoulder, furious to be reminded of his own mistakes. Steve moaned, hard and hoarse. He pulled on the dark hair and bit his friend’s ear. He whispered sensually “I think I like you more than I thought.”

Bucky couldn’t control himself anymore and slid hands under Steve’s ass. The blond wore a predatory smile and let his own fingers slid down the line hairs under James’s navel who moaned. _Finally_ , thought the younger. At the contact, the dark-haired boy gave a violent hips movement. He let his hand go under his friend’s swimsuit to find its way between Steve’s cheeks. The blond moaned “Not here, not here.”

“But why ?” Whimpered the older, still nipping at his friend’s neck, jaw and ear.

“What do you think ?” giggled Steve.  
  
On that note, he slightly pinched James’s bellybutton who let him get down. They both smiled when they saw the prominent tent in their swimsuits.

* * *

 

After waiting for their bodies to calm down, Steve and James sat beside each other on the bus to go home. This time, the dark-haired boy let his arm fall behind his friend neck who put his head on his shoulder, exposing his neck to the rest of the students, exposing shamelessly the hickey decorating his pale skin. And this time, Bucky didn’t ask him to cover it up, and even drop a kiss on his temple.

 

 


End file.
